Whilst walking down to the supermarket t'other day I happened to spy upon two rather unfortunate-looking fellows; this crumpled individual before me was particularly crazed and soiled-looking, as he trundled away in his knackered trainers, heavily soiled slacks and threadbare Jumper circa '86' (either Primark or Debenhams? sadly, even brand new it would remain a profoundly unsightly garment) But what really struck me were his intense staring eyes and the way his long, unlit cigarette just bobbed in his mouth as he traversed speedily, with such resolute purpose up the road. This cat's image stayed with me for the rest of my walk. Then, moments before wending my way into the supermarket this tall, gaunt, almost Dario Argento-looking knave caught my eye. Fortunately it was a brisk afternoon so all his nefarious stenches were wafted away from mine oh so sensitive, button nose; again, this wan-misfit, with his oily visage and ill-fitting toupee remained with me all during my brief shopping excursion. (I never realised you could also buy wigs replete with such a greasy veneer?) When I returned home I rapidly wrote about them only to discover to my joy that I now had two brand new characters which was, of course, entirely splendid; especially since I had only popped out for three tins of boneless & skinless sardines and 200g of Mature Cheddar Cheese. These new characters will be, of course, quite disgusting, and their mis-adventures shall be profane, expletive-ridden, or even possibly obscene, depending on one's sensibilities (Ha! Ha!).